This printable PDF uses a clear iceberg model to explain what is often described as “attention-seeking behaviour” in children, and reframes it as a need for connection, emotional safety and support. It is a visual, easy-to-understand poster that helps adults recognise the difference between what they see on the surface and the underlying emotional needs driving a child’s behaviour.
The resource highlights common behaviours such as interrupting, being loud or disruptive, clingy behaviour, showing off, struggling to play alone, or acting younger than their age. It then explores what may be happening underneath, including low confidence, anxiety, feeling left out, fear of being ignored, emotional overwhelm, changes at home or school, and not knowing how to ask for attention in a healthy way.
This behaviour iceberg model supports a trauma-informed and relationship-based approach to children’s behaviour. It helps adults move away from labelling behaviour as “attention-seeking” and instead understand it as communication of unmet needs, emotional distress or a need for connection. This can improve responses to challenging behaviour, support emotional regulation, and strengthen relationships. The poster can be used as a reflective tool in parenting, teaching, social work, counselling or therapeutic settings. It supports adults to build empathy, improve behaviour support strategies, and respond in ways that promote children’s mental health, wellbeing and secure attachments.
This printable resource is suitable for parents, carers, teachers, teaching assistants, social workers, foster carers, adoptive parents, youth workers and therapists who support children and young people with behaviour, emotions and relationships. It is particularly helpful when working with children experiencing anxiety, low self-esteem, trauma, attachment difficulties or behavioural challenges.
