The “try this instead” prompts give adults simple replacement phrases for moments when a child refuses, delays, negotiates, ignores instructions or becomes upset over everyday demands. It frames behaviour often labelled as stubborn, defiant or argumentative as possible overwhelm, helping parents, carers, teachers and family support workers pause before increasing pressure.
Having the wording in one printable handout can help adults respond more calmly when routine requests suddenly turn into a stand-off. The page focuses on common daily demands such as getting dressed, brushing teeth, putting shoes on, turning off a tablet, coming to dinner and starting homework, making it relevant for home routines, school transitions and direct work with children.
Clear sections explain what might be happening underneath refusal or delay, including anxiety, pressure, fear of getting it wrong, feeling rushed, loss of control, difficulty with transitions and mental exhaustion. It is useful for people searching for support with child stubbornness, demand avoidance, oppositional behaviour, emotional overwhelm, meltdowns, shutdowns or children who appear argumentative when they are actually distressed.
The handout contrasts responses that often make things harder, such as repeated demands, threats, ultimatums, power struggles, arguing and public criticism, with approaches that reduce pressure. Practical suggestions include staying calm, offering choices, giving processing time, breaking tasks into smaller steps, working together, acknowledging feelings and using connection before correction.
Short scripts make it easy to use during parenting support, family work, school meetings, pastoral conversations or therapy sessions. Phrases such as “It looks like something is making this hard”, “Let’s figure this out together” and “What would help you get started?” can be discussed, rehearsed or displayed as a reminder for parents, carers, teachers, social workers and SEN support staff. Created by Edita Stiborova.
