Category: Domestic Abuse: Parents


Domestic abuse through your child's eyes: Parenting guide

Domestic abuse through your child’s eyes: Parenting guide

This resource is a guide for parents who have experienced domestic abuse to help them understand the impacts on their children and how to support them. It emphasizes that even if children don’t directly witness violence, just living in that environment affects them. Common myths…


He takes responsibility for his behaviour He acknowledges and accepts responsibility for what he's done, fully acknowledges that he used abuse to control you and that it was wrong He doesn't blame you, other people, his stress, his job, or any other outside circumstances for his behaviour He is no longer denies his behaviour, makes light of it, or makes excuses for it He acknowledges that he chose to behave this way instead of saying that other people made him do it, or that he can't control himself He fully understands and acknowledges that what he did was wrong He admits lies, he admits what he's done and is not longer making up stories to make himself look better He no longer tries to hide his behaviour from others He understands that recovery from abusiveness takes a long time and he'll have to work at it for a long, long time He understand the effects of his behaviour He understands what his behaviour has cost you He understands fully that you and your children have been hurt by what he's done, and the ways in which you've been hurt He will talk with you in depth (if you want to) about how you feel, your fear, your hurt, your anger, your rights, your lack of trust for him and understands fully that it is his behaviour that has caused it He is sorry for what he's done, and is working hard to overcome the damage he's done and is actively making up for it by giving you back what is rightfully yours - money, rights, freedoms, choices, etc. He understands that it will take his victims a long time to recover from what he's done to them He respects you He is proving to you that he understands that you're a human being with rights and is no longer trying to take them away from you - no more double standards He understands that you're an equal human being, and he's not superior to you He's pulling his weight He respects your opinions, even the ones he disagrees with He accepts your right to be angry with him for what he's done He respects your right to independence and your right to freedom Respect Phoneline – How to tell if your abusive partner is changing He changes his behaviour He is no longer violent in any way He is making a big effort to be non abusive He does not pressure you, intimidate or threaten you He is no longer blocking communication - he listens and respects what you have to say He will discuss with you the controlling behaviours and attitudes he's had You can speak and act freely without him retaliating If he tries to control you, you can point it out to him and he'll stop When you express anger at him, he listens instead of getting angry and trying to shout you down, threatening you or trying to convince you that something's wrong with you for feeling that way He stops interfering in your friendships and family relationships and you are able to re-establish and repair these, and make new friends He stops monitoring your movements, demanding to know where you are and who's there He stops expecting sex on demand He's stopped drinking He's fair with money, allowing you to have your assets in your name, a job if you want He takes responsibility for what he does and how it affects you and the children He no longer treats you like a servant How to tell he’s not changing He continues to be violent in any way He threatens and tries to intimidate you. This will often include threats to attack family and friends, threats to kill you or "put out a contract on you." Threats that he will take the children away or get custody of them himself, or threats to kill himself He badmouths you to the children / others He says "I can't change unless you do" This means that he's trying to get you to agree to give up your rights and freedoms in exchange for him not abusing you He tries to get sympathy from you, family members, and friends He is still lying to you, the children, your family or other people about what he's done He won't acknowledge that it was wrong. He doesn't seem sorry that he did it, he only seems sorry that he has suffered some consequences for it He refuses to let the subject of his abuse come up or gets angry when it does. He won't discuss his controlling behaviours and attitudes. He still tries to deny it, minimize it, excuse it, or justify it He plays victim. He says "How could you do this to me.?" He still whines and blames you for all the problems He is overly charming, always trying to remind you of all the good times you had together and ignore the bad. He tries to buy you back with romantic gifts, dinners, flowers. All while trying to convince you that you need to stay together to work it out He will not get help or says he'll get counselling or other help, but never does Respect Phoneline – How to tell if your abusive partner is changing He does get help and then tries to convince you that he's cured and you need to take him back now He might suddenly claim to have found God; he goes to church a few times He cries and begs, particularly in a public situation so that you are embarrassed and appear to be "cold hearted'' He does things to try to sabotage your efforts to make it on your own He harasses or stalks you. If you ask him for space or time, he refuses to allow you to have any and continues to make contact in any way he can. Harassment by phone calls, threats, legal frustrations, showing up at work, hanging around family. He continues to restrict your rights. He still behaves as if he's superior. You aren't able to express yourself and speak freely He still demands constant attention, won't allow you to take care of your own needs He still picks at you and criticizes you, and ignores your strengths and contributions to the relationship He doesn't support your independence, still refuses to acknowledge that you have rights He puts his wants and needs above yours He doesn't recognize the damage he's done. He gets angry with you over the consequences you've suffered over his abuse He's mad or seems confused as to why you fear him, don't trust him, are hurt, and angry He tries to get out of the consequences by trying to convince you that something's wrong with you He's mad that you left, instead of recognizing your right to have done so He still acts like you owe him He's impatient or critical with you for not forgiving him immediately, for not being satisfied with the changes he may have already made, especially if he hasn't made the changes you requested, or hasn't changed but claims he has He's only concerned with how hard the situation is for him, and no one else. He feels sorry for himself He doesn't show appropriate concern for how you and the children feel about what he's done. Abuse does more than just hurt, it is damaging, and if he doesn't show appropriate concern for the damage he's done, then he hasn't changed He says he can only change if you help him, he wants emotional support and forgiveness He says "I'm changing" but you can see that he's not. He gets angry with you for not realizing how much he's changed. He gets angry for not trusting that he's changed for good. Abusive men often say I'm sorry then get mad if you don't immediately forget what they did, he thinks his sorry resolves the matter and it should be dropped and you should just move forward He pressures you into taking him back

How to tell if your abusive partner is changing guide

The “How to Tell If Your Abusive Partner Is Changing Guide” is a comprehensive resource that aims to help individuals in abusive relationships identify signs of genuine change in their partner’s behaviour. The guide outlines specific indicators that suggest an abusive partner is taking responsibility…


Domestic Violence: A self help guide for victims

Domestic Violence: A self help guide for victims

“Domestic Violence: A Self-Help Guide for Victims” is a comprehensive booklet that offers support and guidance to individuals who have experienced domestic abuse. This resource is designed to empower victims by helping them understand the nature of domestic violence and providing strategies to cope with…


Programme for victims and survivors of domestic abuse - The Power to Change

Programme for victims and survivors of domestic abuse – The Power to Change

The Power to Change booklet is a valuable resource for setting up and running support groups for domestic violence survivors. It covers topics such as facilitator competencies, group development and management, group policies, and the Power to Change program. The program includes the Self-Esteem Program…


Coping with domestic abuse: Booklet for CHILDREN aged 6 to 12

Coping with domestic abuse: Booklet for CHILDREN aged 6 to 12

Coping with domestic abuse: Booklet for CHILDREN aged 6 to 12 is a valuable resource designed to support children and their parents who are experiencing domestic abuse. The booklet aims to provide children with information and guidance to help them understand what is happening in…


Helping teenagers to cope with Domestic Abuse booklet

Helping teenagers to cope with Domestic Abuse booklet

“Helping teenagers to cope with Domestic Abuse” booklet aims to provide support and guidance for teenagers and parents dealing with domestic abuse. The booklet covers the following key points: Understanding the impact of domestic abuse on young people and their development. Learning effective listening skills…


Children and Domestic Violence Fact Sheet Series

Children and Domestic Violence Fact Sheet Series

The Children and Domestic Violence Fact Sheet Series is a comprehensive set of 10 fact sheets specifically created for parents whose children have been impacted by domestic violence. These fact sheets aim to provide valuable information, guidance, and support to parents as they navigate the…


Duluth Using Children Post Separation Power and Control Wheel

Duluth Using Children Post Separation Power and Control Wheel

The ‘Duluth Using Children Post Separation Power and Control Wheel’ from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs illustrates tactics used by domestic abuse perpetrators to continue abuse post-separation, with a focus on involving and impacting children. The wheel shows overarching categories of abusive behaviors like the…


Healthy Relationships Workbook (for people with learning difficulties)

Healthy Relationships Workbook (for people with learning difficulties)

The “Healthy Relationship Workbook” is a valuable resource designed to support individuals with intellectual or developmental disabilities in understanding and navigating healthy relationships. This workbook, written in plain English and suitable for high school-aged individuals and beyond, addresses important topics such as personal rules, different…


Cycle of Violence Explanation Tool

Cycle of Violence Explanation Tool

The Cycle of Violence Explanation Tool is a valuable resource that helps individuals understand the complex dynamics of domestic abuse. This tool provides a clear explanation of the cycle of abuse, highlighting the different phases that occur within an abusive relationship. It outlines the behaviors…


Children’s Domestic Violence Wheel (Tool)

Children’s Domestic Violence Wheel (Tool)

The Children’s Domestic Violence Wheel is a valuable tool used by social workers to illustrate how domestic abuse impacts children. It serves as a visual aid to facilitate conversations with parents, helping them understand the profound effects of domestic violence on their children. The wheel…


Domestic Violence Safety Plan (6 pages)

Domestic Violence Safety Plan (6 pages)

The Domestic Violence Safety Plan (6 pages) is a powerful resource designed to empower women and protect both themselves and their children during incidents of domestic abuse. This comprehensive plan provides personalised strategies and guidance to help individuals anticipate and respond to potential acts of…


Managing jealousy leaflet

Managing jealousy leaflet

This is a 4-page leaflet offering guidance on constructively dealing with jealousy in relationships. It is designed to help people recognise and change controlling or abusive behaviours stemming from jealousy. The leaflet first lists potentially abusive acts like constantly calling to check up on a…


The Power and Control Wheel (The Duluth Model)

The Power and Control Wheel (The Duluth Model)

The Power and Control Wheel, a crucial tool within the Duluth Model addressing domestic violence dynamics, offers a visual representation of the tactics employed by abusive partners to assert power and control in relationships. Social workers utilise the Power and Control Wheel to assist victims…


The Equality Wheel (The Duluth Model)

The Equality Wheel (The Duluth Model)

The Equality Wheel is a visual representation of the qualities necessary for healthy relationships and serves as a guide for individuals who have engaged in abusive behavior to transition towards non-violent partnerships. It is an integral part of the Duluth Model, which aims to address…